Ramadhan is here once more

"Ku berharap kan Ramadhan tahun ini penuh makna"



....these are the words sang by Man Bai. He couldn't have said it more aptly. Each time this glorious month comes I would promise that this year's would be better than the previous year's - in terms of less wastage, more patience, better food and most importantly "ibadah yang khusyuk dan tulus". Each year I would reflect and find the last one most difficult to achieve because I always feel that I have not tried my best. It's still early this year so I vow to strive for my best...I MUST.



Buka puasa this year is different..My eldest is not here. Irfan is at his hostel getting fried food almost everyday for buka & sahur. When it comes to food I always miss my Irfan because he really appreciates it. Not that he eats a lot now but he appreciates anything that I cook and that gives me inspiration to cook. Mimal is not an eater...for him spinach soup and fried chicken is sufficient. Ayyum is an eater but he has not started fasting. So buka puasa this year is not as "meriah" as in previous years...sob....sob.


My mum is not fasting this year. Her cancer medication does not give her the strength to fast. We, my sisters and I, said it's okay since she is unwell. But she feels cheated of the experience. I said the fact that she can eat anything at all in her condition is "satu rahmat". This is not a time to lament for what ifs or if only I could do this .....I told her. It is a time for her to concentrate on her other "ibadah" and ask Almighty Allah to grant her reprieve from pain and suffering and thank HIM for the life that you have led as well as ask for forgiveness for all the sins that have been erred. She is calmer when I say it in this way to her. I have accepted her condition and Allah's fate for her and for us her children. The best I can do for her is - apart from getting the best doctors & medication - is to be there when she needs it and to pray for her constantly, insyallah.


HAVE A GLORIOUS & MEANINGFUL RAMADHAN... I hope to have one too, insyallah

42 ..are you sure????

Assalamualaikum

I'm 42 today..sure..phone has been ringing with calls & messages. Wonderful, thoughtful friends & family have remembered (even my unit trust & insurance agents remebered). The wishes have changed somewhat..if before it has always been have a wonderful/exciting/eventful day of your lifetime. Now it's more like May your day be filled with iman & taqwa..ameen. I guess it's the 40 and above mantra. Remembering the day we expire from earth....but for me I'm glad the wishes changed because it spurs me to become a better person spiritually.

My boys...including the oldest (my hubby) sang me a birthday song in the wee hours of the morning. My other half asked me yesterday what I wanted and I said peace on earth and healthy children. He said that's a tough order so he'll settle for something that he could buy. I don't know what I want that's the problem..and in this tough economic times it feels rather selfish asking for anything but he insists so we're off today to get me something.Hahaha.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME....OLE ME???.....OLE BUT YOUNG AT HEART :))))))

Politics and MORE Politics

I know its been months but life has been busy with the son going off to school, writing chapters for thesis, PRU 12, and its aftermath so on and on.

Pride & Prejudice

It is parents' pride to have their child excel in exams but at the same time being angry at a child who doesn't perform to expectations is stemmed from prejudice toward those who fail...perhaps fear of it. Today we felt the impact of this when our eldest received results that was not expected (I didn't expect anything but as long as he does well enough). I went to his school to give him moral support and when his name was not called as a recepient of 5As I knew he needed it. I went to look for him amidst the chaos of students pushing eagerly to get their results from the class teachers. Finally I saw this "small" body in the middle of mayhem squatting down, looking desolate and crying uncontrollably. I knew then that being angry at whatever results he got would be cruel. I went to him hugged and calmed him but his tears kept pouring, disappointed! At that moment, I knew that he was frustrated enough for the two of us. So instead of rubbing salt to the wound, I tried to emphatize. My baby was experiencing his very first failure (in the eyes of "society") and heartache. After my son had somehow calmed down he joined other friends who were equally disappointed with their results and he started crying in unison to his mates. One of his friends even looked so forlorn that I feared that he may do something drastic. So I gathered them (and hugged some of them assuring them that there is a wide, wide world out there still waiting for them and that feelings of disappointment, frustration and failure would litter the road to success. I was astounded too at how detached the teachers were, some were uncomfortable to comfort the students who needed it the most..all that was said was ..it's okay there's always PMR. What's wrong with these people??? Are our children just measured by how well they perform in exams? We need to change this prejudice..don't just take pride in success but also let our children learn from failure..no matter how we measure it (for me my son's results was an achievement but for the teachers & society at large, anything other than 5As is not) because the learning is more essential than the results..and I'm not just talking about learning within the 4 walls of a classroom. Let our children explore their potential, let us guide them to the right path, then let them choose their paths in life (insyallah they will choose well) for that is the true meaning of learning. C'est la vie!!!!

Maid of Honour

Handsome, handsomer, handsomest, drop-dead handsome...which????

Syawal has just passed...with its open house, scrumptious food and girdle-busting temptations (am not just talking about food). Now noses should be back to the grindstone not only to lose the inches lost during Ramadahan and double-gained during Syawal but also with my thesis. Started reading after two weeks of just letting the dust collect on my articles and laptop. Talking about Syawal, it's the usual exodus back to the hometown (hubby's parents have passed so it's back to Newcastle every year). The usual cooking and gathering on Raya night complete with the constant background sound of my mother telling me, my sisters, my maid or her grandchildren how to do things around the house...well mom without her "siren' would not be complete and Raya without mom would be silent.





My sister was rather melancholic this year. This was the first year of Raya without her husband who passed away in an accident in front of their house in July. Although she is much stronger, she still feels the missing. I can't begin to imagine how it feels like. All I can decipher is the longing and unspoken sadness in her eyes. So this Raya was more gentle and less chaotic than the previous years (even the "siren") as a tribute to my late brother-in-law, though a quiet man, whose abscence is felt profoundly by our family.





Then the maid...this year it's the fifth year she has celebrated with us and has become a part of the family (although she's really "scared" of my husband...no he has not done anything, just doesn't speak that much with her). Her maid friends keep calling and texting her asking her about her Raya money. I told her not to tell anyone anything and she hasn't. Why am I talking about my maid? Basically because alhamdulillah our rezeki with this maid has been good. She has been with us even before Baby was born and I hope she'll remain until he is old..he...he. My friend hasn't had such luck. In the time my maid has been with me she has had 4/5. One was ill, another was psychotic, the third wanted to get married, the fourth just stayed for 2 months and the latest has a "BIG" head. I told her to write a book about maids once she completes her PhD..he..he..If you hear some of her stories it's funny but scary at the same time. I told her yesterday..maybe you've not met "your jodoh" in terms of maid. I'm sure at times she feels like quitting her job to take care of the children. But like me without the mental stimulation of work and deadlines, we'd be "tortured souls". That's why I'm thankful for the "rezeki" Allah has bestowed upon my family and I in "sending" us this maid of honour. Even if she changes..she has done her part real well and I'm thankful.

Ramadhan Mubarak

I know I have not been writing for quite sometime...a month to be exact - since I started my data collection. It's been crazy chaos eversince. One, worrying about the data I'm going to collect - Is it worth it? Is it going to be enough? Another, What should I do next? That's what a case study is all about...a lot has to do with gut instincts but grounded in solid theory. Boy, have I got my job cut out for me.

Ramadhan started yesterday. Alhamdulillah the three of us (myself & the two oldest) got through it without much problems. Only Irfan was not feeling too well and had no apetite to eat...what have you done to my son? He's never rejected food but yesterday was a first - rather worrying but he's been under the weather since after UPSR.

Why only the two of us? Abang is in Rome on a workshop...poor him the first day sahur with only an apple and mineral water. I supplied him with the faithful Maggi & Pak Brahim but without a kettle in the room he can't do much. Each day he calls back to ask what we're having for "Buka" and would say "Sedapnya". Will prepare something special when he gets back Sunday.

Okay, to all Muslims out there ...Ramadhan Mubarak. May this year's ibadah be better than the years before. Insyallah.

Our "Kopitiam" Hotspot

The kids have found a new playground where they can have their favourite snack...toast, toast and toast..of various flavours. They are the new "share-holders" of Old Town White Coffee. Now evenings on weekends that's where you'll find us...

Bali Hai

It's been a whirlwind two weeks. Defended my proposal on a Friday - got through with minor adjustments - attended niece's wedding on the Saturday (070707), got the worst flu ever on Saturday night, stuck in bed from Saturday to Tuesday, recuperate from Wednesday to next Tuesday (came down with measles-like rashes...flu aftershock I guess), to Bali for 13th anniversary from Wednesday to Friday....finally rest on Saturday & Sunday before have to go back to uni to start data collection. Hectic & eventful....

In front of Ramyana Resort & Spa, Kuta Bali

18 July 2007

The best part was the pampering in Bali. Just the two of us discovering Bali..walking hand-in-hand looking at life passing by. Just relaxing..no tiring tours or last minute dash for that last item on the shopping list. We took it easy..slept when tired and woke up when we wanted. Went for massages and walks...Brilliant, wonderful. Haven't had much of alone time together since the firstborn arrived...was a much awaited and enjoyed break to re-re-re-kindle (always kindled) memories of courtship and first meetings...he....he....Heaven!

De' Big Day Looms....

I've got butterflies, frogs jumping, cows mooing ....everything....in my stomach. Tomorrow is the day that I have to present and defend my proposal. It has been known that "bigger" people have come out of the room crying...boohooo....Hope I'm strong enough. I'll read all the doas that I know before entering. Wear something presentable & do my presentation. I really hope that they'll not ask too many Qs on my research methodology or instrument but if they want to ask about the CMC tool I'm using I'll be more than happy to oblige.

Wish me luck. I'll tell of the outcome....soon....

Anecdote for the day

Last night as we were waiting for CSI NY I laughingly asked my other half; "How much do you love me?". As usual he'll use his thumb and index finger to show a measurement of about 3 inches which has grown since we got married (his motto: start with saying that you love a little and let it grow rather than say that you love mountains and it dwindles to nothingness..anyway as long as we both understand how much and how deep other things are relative).

Our youngest heard our conversation and reprimanded his father; "Abah sayang mama dua aje? Emmh...Ayyum sayang mama like this..(putting 10 fingers and 10 toes up). Abah pun kena macam nilah". What to say ,we just laughed at his quick observation....

Yesterday, all my troubles seem so far away.....

My other half have been walking down memory lane for the past two weeks (twenty-odd years of walking to do)...planning for his Alumni dinner. Nostalgic memories of years gone by resurface .... old friends, old stories, old flames (he..he this is interesting. My children & I have our own private joke about this), old teachers....everything that was left dusting in his memories. That's the thing about alumni gatherings....I'm not a stranger to one being a thoroughbred SSPian....you tend to see everything with rose-coloured lenses. Even the square haistyles, dorky attire and goofy love stories. I've never been to a co-ed so I don't really understand what my other half is talking about but I know the excitement of meeting old friends.

My alumni has a gathering every so often, only I can't make it to all being outside the city. But my classmates and I also have our own alumni and we have a gathering at a whim....Raya shopping, spa-day, lunch at any chosen restaurant (a constant feature), karaoke, hi-tea or soirees at any of our houses, any reason and we'll gather. Maybe not all will be able to make it but at least 15 will.

Most of my classmates have kept in touch during studies abroad (I think 60% of us went overseas), marriage and divorce. We share a lot with one another that we are almost sisters who have been together for most of our adult life. Many of my classmates are also successful people in their own right, but during our gatherings we are no longer the successful MD, CEO, doctor, professor, businesswoman...we transport back to the days when PWTC was still a figment of our imagination and the trip to JTAR was not as scary as today. No matter how many times we gather we never tire of reminiscing the old stories of basuh bas, cabut rumput semalu, standing in the middle of the field (all punishment for one thing or another that we did...our motto: one for all and all for one...so the punishment usually is for a group of us but the whole class will make it into a field day by joining in), singing in class, going for debates, cheering for the basketball team (most players are from our class), and coming up with the latest cheer to beat the other schools. As I said we always see the past with rose-tinted lenses. But the yesterdays are the things that has helped shape the person we are today. So when my other half tells me his stories...about his days in school I listen and enjoy them with him...although I may not fully underastand a co-ed environment I can identify with the nostalgia because after all I am an .....ANVILLIAN THOROUGHBRED...and nothing can beat the memories I had with my 34 "sisters"!

Butterflies in my stomach

It's been three weeks since I received the news that my doctorate proposal is ready for defend..i.e need to present it in front of a panel of ten profs from various disciplines. I'm at wits end and sick to my stomach but life has to go on or else all the hard work of studying, travelling, being away from the family will be useless...AND this is just the beginning of the rest of the journey.

I'm just waiting for the much awaited phone call from my supervisor asking me to go down to KL to present my case. I've been waiting for two weeks and the suspense has almost reached a crescendo. Sometimes I wonder why do I have to put myself through all this ...at my age??? Is it the prestige and the title that I'm looking for? Is it acknowledgement and recognition from colleagues? Or is it validity that hey...she has what it takes from family and friends? But when I reflect on my journey up till now ...I've never been conventional. As a science stream student I was already at a local u doing a science course but decided to fly overseas to do a humanities course (partly daddy's fault too). So adamantly wanted to pursue masters at UM so that I can graduate at DTC like my sister although friends were applying for and receiving Chevening awards to do it in UK (serves me right DTC was burnt down just when I was about to graduate)....basically I like a challenge, something different - different scenario, different experience, different excitement...a different life choice. This reminds me of a poem I love - many of the choices that I've made in my life has been this way (even in my choice of a life partner):

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Rober Frost, 1920

The Little One: Ilham Qayyum (Ilham Abadi)

Didn't know Spiderman could fly?

Kuantan, May 2006

This Spiderman, Superman, Power Rangers, Cicakman-wanna-be is the baby of the family. Born after a 5 year gap from the middle one his entry into this world was much awaited (and planned). He tugs at mama & abah's hearts so that we tend to spoil him...a little too much. He often gets what he wants ....courtesy of either mama or abah....which often ingrates his brothers especially the eldest. A good thing they don't mind the stuff that he gets away with but gets overtly upset when he is upset and throws a tantrum. Even THAT is adorable! But we are trying to backtrack and not indulge him too much these days......

This little boy is mama's constant companion (now that mama is on study leave) either while doing assignment on the computer, grocery shopping, walking..or anything so long as he can come with. It's a joy to be able to spend time with him, listen to his stories and just enjoy his effervescent company. Some of the best memories of mama and him are during shopping trips. He'll hint at the things that he wants by saying..."Rasanya Ayyum belum ada cho-cho-train"....most of the times I ignore because if he is promised anything he'll pester until he gets it. Youngest child syndrome....I guess...or is it over-indulgence

Waiting for the car to be cleanned...B-O-R-I-N-G

Kuantan, June 2006

The rascal started school this year...although he's four ....and seems to be enjoying himself. On days when he doesn't feel like doing anything he'll tell his teachers that he's too young for school..."mana pandai kita kecik lagi"...he..he...His teachers like him because he loves telling stories about his day, what he did and where he went. Yesterday he went to school bringing two hard-boiled eggs and said it was sandwich making day. He came home with two lopsided sandwiches meshed together. He offered me one but changed his mind: "I think I should eat the sandwiches that I made, mama can make your own" and proceeded to tell me how. Sometimes we wish he'll stay as he is but that's just impossible....

We hope that he'll grow up to be strong, healthy and good...insyallah.

The Middle One: Ikhmal Arif (Sempurna & Bijaksana)

This one is a maze in itself - complex and unpredicatable. Sometimes we just can't figure out what he'll do, (or say) next. Many times we are caught off-guard by his cheeky retorts. An anecdote from the past - we were at a playground and one of mummy's pals commented to him, something like this -

Mummy's Pal: Put on your shoes...nanti kaki masuk cacing...

The Middle one: That's good then abah, abang and me can go fishing....

What can I say? I can either be embarassed for having a "smart-mouth" kid or just let it go because it was actually a brilliant respond. Luckily the pal caught on and laughed at the joke. Phew!!!!

My deceased friend & I
Natural History Museum, London, Dec 2007

This is the ambitious one - he wants to do and be everything and has entered from track to choral speaking. This year he was elected Prefect ( following dad's footsteps) but had some problems with completing homework earlier this year. But when warned that he might be "sacked" from being a prefect, he quickly changed for the better. His messy habits and "out-of-this-world" imagination can not be helped. So we let him be there with his imagination and imaginary friends. How do you think Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Bill Gates became so successful?


This one is a Western food-lover: Italian to be precise. Can eat spaghetti & pasta from sunrise to sundown..but hold the broccoli.


We hope he'll achieve all that he dreams of...insyaallah

The Eldest: Irfan Fikri (Bijaksana Fikiran)

Waiting for mama shopping (again!)

Stockholm, Nov 2007

The eldest...what can we say? The Robotman enjoys entering Robotics competition although winning is a different matter. Likes music....English please, mama! I don't like PeterPan, Samson or Dewa....I prefer Akon & Justine T. Wow!!! No wonder he's better at English than his native BM.

Sweet and Sour character. When he's sweet he's the sweetest but once he blows his top you better watch out. The dad would say .... a spitting image of his mother. Where does the fruit fall - as they always say.

One that loves "hugs-and-kisses" and insists on us tucking him in during bed-time. Unfortunately, he has OCD like his mother (again as what dad would say)...especially when it comes to his stuff...everything must be arranged according to how he likes it...or else...But it's good because his possessions lasts longer than his brothers.

Aspires to follow in his dad's footsteps but one MAJOR problem : squirmish at the sight of blood. Afraid he might faint on the first day of practical work...he..he...


We hope that he'll do his best at UPSR this year...insyallah.

We begin with an intro

Gamla Stan, Stockholm, Sweden (Nov '06)

A family of five that will travel any chance that we get. If the money is available and God willing we prefer to see different places, different cultures and different people than anything else. Now that the boys are grown and can appreciate places, cultures and people, travelling is always a wonderful experience...except if one of us becomes ill.

Other favourite family time do's: watching latest (PG) movies, and eating breakfast in our garden.


Family philosophy: Always be true to yourself!

A blog lost at sea

Don't be confused..this blog still belongs to me but the earlier edition of Moments by Murad-Elin have been lost in between transfer from the old blogger to the new Google account. I hope the system owners will be able to find it or all will be lost at sea....

That's my fault ---for not remembering my password :-)